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Dec. 18th, 2014 06:44 pm The Chicago Bears show truly inept team management.

The Chicago Bears have benched the highest-paid offensive player in football.

Because his play was offensive.

Just hours after dismissing the idea of benching quarterback Jay Cutler during his Wednesday press conference, Chicago Bears head idiot Marc Trestman has indeed made switch to the profoundly over-rated and incompetent Jimmy “Pickle” Clausen.

The Chicago Bears have decided to destroy their franchise. The Bears, with a pathetic 5-9 record, have already been eliminated from playoff contention and have no long-term investment in Jimmy Clausen. They do, however, have Cutler locked up with a fat multi-million dollar contract signed just this past offseason.

What were they thinking, giving all that money to a QB who regularly is on injured reserve with “hurt feelings?”

For the Bears to bench Cutler now suggests that big changes are coming to Chicago after the season.

A move back to Decatur?

Cutler currently leads the league with 24 turnovers.

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Dec. 15th, 2014 07:14 pm Miscellaneous ANGER and RAGE

The JETS JETS JETS, long eliminated from playoff contention, have reached a non-critical stage of their season. The“Jets Pick” of the NFL Draft appears all but sewn up.

The first choice in the NFL Draft is traditionally known as the “Jets Pick.” History has a tendency to repeat itself often for the JETS JETS JETS.

WR Chris Owusu's juggling reception, hauled in while being slammed to the turf, was the best play of the season.

Comforting thought, that. Every week the JETS JETS JETS somehow summon the will to make it to the stadium to play, and they did again Sunday in Minnesota, where they went 0 for 5 in the red zone, lost a fumble at the goal line and allowed a game-winning 87-yard touchdown on a screen pass. They made it almost exciting by choking in overtime, 30-24.

A problem for the JETS JETS JETS this season has been that not just one play goes awry. It is two. Or four. Or seven. And they do not make enough good plays to compensate. Or any good plays, really.

Just End The Season.

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WR Reggie “The Main Brain” Wayne broke the Baltimore Colts’ franchise records for games played and career wins. Wayne, NFL ancient at age36, played in his 209th career game as the Colts hosted Houston. That broke a tie with his ex- teammate Peyton “Moon” Manning, who played in 208 games before he was cut from the squad in March 2012. Peyton Moon now plays for Denver.

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Houston Texans QB Ryan Fitzpatrick was carted off the field early in the second quarter at Indianapolis.   He came down with Joe Theisman disease.

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Da Jints have a star again: Odell “Bend it Like” Beckham, the rookie sensation and human highlight reel, has Jints fans excited to be alive again. Despite missing the first four games because of a hamstring injury, Beckham has 972 receiving yards, a record for a Jints rookie. Jeremy “Duh” Shockey held the old mark with 894. Beckham, who had 12 catches Sunday for 143 yards, has 23 receptions, 273 receiving yards and four touchdown catches in the last two games, both Jints victories.

If Victor Cruz can get healthy again in 2015 Jints QB Eli “Son of Archie and brother of Peyton-Moon” Manning might start playing well again, not like the crap he’s been playing this season.

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Rookie QB Johnny Manziel of Cleveland said his embarrassing debut as a starter against Cincinnati was “very humbling.”

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Bad news for the Dallas Cowboys: The N.F.L.’s rushing leader, DeMarco Murray, has a broken left hand, and it could be a damaging blow to the playoff hopes of the Dallas Cowboys.

Murray was set to go under the knife Monday and might be on the sideline Sunday at home against The Colts, already a playoff qualifier. Even though the Cowboys beat Philadelphia on Sunday to take the N.F.C. East lead, they might have to win both of their remaining games to end a four-year postseason drought.

Coach Jason “Princeton is Free” Garrett would not rule out DeMarco’s playing against the Colts.

Murray has 1,687 yards rushing and needs 87 yards to break the N.F.L. career rushing leader Emmitt Smith’s franchise record of 1,773 yards. Murray played his college ball at Oklahoma.


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Dec. 8th, 2014 03:37 pm Why can't the Jets play in this division?

Never underestimate the toilet bowl depths to which the NFC South can sink.

The NFC South stinks fifteen ways to a sewer plant: The Carolina Panties, at 4-8-1, will be a half-game out of first place if (when) the Atlanta Falcan’ts lose tonight in Green Bay.

(HFN Prediction: Lambeau Field will be soaked with Atlanta blood.)

The Panties somehow crushed the New Orleans Aints 41-10 in the Superdump on Sunday. The Aints used to be unbeatable there, but now it’s Mardi Gross every weekend. They’ve played four stink-bombs in a row at home and the implosion against a stinkeroo Panties team that was 1-7-1 since Week 2 is a low point. Will the paper bags return?

It’s a low point not just for the Aints, but for the division.

You very well might think the Panties are back to being a fairly good team. No. They’re awful. The Aints were just so much crappier. The only time the Aints showed any desire to play hard on the field was after Cam “Ringer” Newton celebrated a TD and a brawl started.

Fire Sean “Place” Payton, Aints.

The NFL will very possibly have a division chumpeen with double-digit losses. What’s worse is that they will get to host a play-off game, probably against a Wild Card with a much better record. Wrong, wrong, just so wrong.

The standings as of now:

NFC South

Wins

Losses

Ties

PCT

PF

PA

STRK

Fal-Can’ts

5

7

0

.417

291

299

W1

Aints

5

8

0

.385

333

359

L1

Panties

4

8

1

.346

269

341

W1

Yuck-aneers

2

11

0

.154

237

348

L3

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Current Mood: blahblah

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Dec. 2nd, 2014 07:01 pm A quick history of the Oklahoma - Poor Dumb Oklahoma A&M Aggies Rivalry.

The first Oklahoma – Poor Dumb Oklahoma A&M Aggies football game was held in Guthrie, Oklahoma in 1904. It was a cold and very windy day with the temperatures well below the freezing mark. At one moment in the game when the Poor Dumb Oklahoma A&M Aggies were punting, the wind carried the ball backwards behind the kicker. If the Poor Dumb Oklahoma A&M Aggies recovered the ball it would be a touchback and if the University of Oklahoma squad recovered it, it would be a touchdown. The ball kept going backwards and rolled down a hill into the half-frozen creek. Since a touchdown was at stake, members of both teams dove into the icy waters to recover the ball. A member of the OU team came out with the ball and downed it for a touchdown, eventually crushing the Poor Dumb Aggies 75–0.

Oklahoma currently leads the series 84–17–7. The series has historically been very lopsided in the Sooners' favor; the Poor Dumb Oklahoma A&M Aggies have defeated OU twice in a row just three times since World War II, and has never done it three times in a row.

Is it a rivalry if one team always wins?

Poor Dumb Oklahoma A&M Aggies, even with both Thurman Thomas and Barry Sanders on the roster, could not win a Big 8 Conference title.

Former NFL lineman Dexter Manley admitted he finished college and could not read. Manley attended Oklahoma A&M.

Mike Gundy, who is a man and is 40, played and coached for Oklahoma A&M.

HFN prediction for the 109th meeting of these two schools, one with a great football tradition:

Oklahoma 150, Oklahoma A&M 0.

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Dec. 1st, 2014 07:03 pm Miscellaneous ANGER and RAGE.

Miscellaneous ANGER and RAGE

Da Jints, dey is through for 2014. Talk of a potential off-season changes to the coaching staff should be tuned out, Tommy Coughlin, the coach of the 3-9 team said. He said that because he’ll probably be fired sooner than that.

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Houston Texans QB Ryan Fitzpatrick, starting in place of the injured Ryan Mallett, passed for a personal-best six touchdowns — also a franchise record — as Houston routed the Tennessee Tuxedo Titans. Fitz went to jock school Harvard.

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N is for Knowledge. Bo Pelini was dismissed as Nebraska’s head coach Sunday after a seven-year stagger marked by an inability to restore the football team to national prominence and too many embarrassing defeats. Like that Wisconsin game. Should have stayed in the Big 12, Huskers.

Pelini won at least nine games every season, but he never won a conference championship, and his teams lost four games in every season he completed. Pelini was 66-27 and led the Cornhuskers to three league championship games in the Big 12 and Big Ten.

It took Huskers legendary coach Tom Osborne 8 years to win a conference title outright and 20 years to win a national championship.

The associate head coach, Barney “Pickin” Cotton, a Nebraska alumnus, will be the interim head coach.

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The Chokeland Raiders set a new record for franchise futility. In the midst of a horrific 1-11 season, the Oakland Raiders suffered a historically terrible loss on Sunday, falling 52-0 to the St. Louis Rams at the Edward Jones Dome. The Rams started journeyman QB Shaun Hill, who beat the Raiders running and passing.

The massive humiliation was the second-worst defeat in the franchise’s 54 year history, falling just shy of a 55-0 drubbing by the Houston Oilers on September 9, 1961.

Interim head coach Tony “Baloney” Sparano guaranteed that interim tag would be permanent. And why does this hillbilly think he needs to wear sunglasses at a night game?

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When discussing concussions and permanent brain injury among NFL players, does anyone want to the obvious?: Nobody should be playing tackle football after age 30. The wear and tear on joints and the noggin are just too much for anyone human being, especially since most men start playing football somewhere around the ninth grade. The damage from concussions is cumulative, and as it appears to be, permanent. But fans players and the NFLPA will never allow an age limit.

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Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated

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Nov. 25th, 2014 06:47 pm JETS JETS JETS LOSE A CLOSE ONE TO BUFFALO 38 - 3.

After a week of slightly bad weather and a shortened practice schedule, Buffalo played one of its best games of the season in a 38-3 victory over the JETS JETS JETS on Monday night. Kyle Orton threw two touchdown passes, and the Bills also had a key play on specials teams in gunning down the JETS JETS JETS.

Heavy snow in the Buffalo area moved the game to Detroit, but there were plenty of Bills fans in attendance at Ford Field. Buffalo (6-5) couldn't even practice before arriving in Michigan on Friday, but it was the JETS JETS JETS (2-9) who looked like s**t all night.

Orton pricked up his ears and threw a 7-yard touchdown pass to Robert “Morning” Woods in the first quarter, and the second-year receiver's one-handed catch set up another touchdown in the second. Chandler caught a 19-yard scoring pass from Orton to make it 14-3 late in the half.

Tickets to the game were given out for free, attendance was a decent 56,044 considering the weather.

Woods made a nice catch in the end zone for the game's first touchdown, and his one-handed grab was even more impressive. It wasn't quite as good as Odell “Bend it like”Beckham Jr.'s TD the previous night for the Da Jints, but Woods was able to secure a 27-yard pass along the sideline with his right hand, helping set up Chandler's TD.

Woods caught nine passes for a career-high 118 yards.

Buffalo broke the game open in the third with 17 points. Boobie “Somebody get me a new name” Dixon blocked a punt and Manny Lawson recovered it in the end zone, and Fred “Action” Jackson added a 5-yard touchdown run.

Pit Bull Michael Vick went 7 of 19 for 76 yards for the JETS JETS JETS before being replaced by Geno “Pizza Roll” Smith in the third quarter. The JETS JETS JETS stink-bombed a chance at the end of the first half, when the Bills inexplicably let Eric “Black and” Decker slip behind the defense with only a few seconds left, and Vick's crappy pass sailed inches beyond the receiver's grasp.

The JETS JETS JETS night was summed up in the second half when Buffalo linebacker Nigel Bradham dragged JETS JETS JETS running back Chris Ivory to the ground by his hair.

It hurt.

Buffalo, which has not made the playoffs since the 1999 season, is a game out of a wild card in the AFC.   The JETS JETS JETS are only ten games out of contention.

Orton went 24 of 32 for 230 yards. Dixon's 30-yard run in the fourth made it 38-3.

The Buffalo Bills came in with an NFL-high 39 sacks, and they added seven more Monday, including two each by Mario Williams and Jerry Hughes.

Rex Ryan should be fired.   Could be Bob Stoops will be the JETS JETS JETS coach in 2015.


Current Mood: amusedamused

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Nov. 22nd, 2014 10:10 pm JOCK SCHOOL HARVARD BEATS YALE 31 - 24

Harvard QB Connor Hempel led the Cantabs 78 yards in eight plays, completing a drive with a 35-yard TD pass to Andrew Fischer with 55 seconds remaining. A late interception by Scott Peters preserved Harvard’s 31-24 victory over Yale.

The win capped the jock school’s 10-0 season and gave them the Ivy League title outright with a 7-0 conference mark. It is their third unbeaten season in the 21-year tenure of Coach Tim Murphy and the 17th undefeated season in university history.

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Lafayette's Ross Scheuerman ran for 304 yards, a program record, and scored three touchdowns on Saturday at Yankee Stadium in New York, leading the Leopards past ancient rival Lehigh, 27-7, in the 150th meeting of the most-played rivalry in college football.

The teams’ neutral-site matchup was played in front of a sellout crowd announced at 48,256.

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Future 2nd Lieutenant Larry Dixon tied a career high with three touchdowns on 158 yards to become the fourth player in Army history with 3,000 yards rushing as the Black Knights came back to pund the snot out of Fordham.  Final score:  Army 42, Fordham 3.  The win over Fordham (10-2) was the fourth for Army (4-7) in the teams’ last four meetings.

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The Oklahoma Sooners played host to ancient rival and current Big 12 doormat Kansas. After an hour-and-a-half long delay to kick-off due to lightning, the game got under way.

Like every running back in the country, Oklahoma's freshman sensation Samaje Perine started the game with zero yards. He would finish it with 427, the most by any player in the history of the college game.

Early in the fourth quarter, Perine needed 23 yards to crush the record of 408 set just one week earlier by Wisconsin’s (Menof Cheese) Melvin Gordon. He broke it open with a 42 rush to total 427, surpassing the old record by 19 yards.

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Nov. 12th, 2014 09:20 pm How did the JETS JETS JETS beat the Steelers?

Rich Kotite would be proud.   Instead of laying down dead like they did for the first half of the season the JETS JETS JETS roared and clobbered (for the JETS JETS JETS anyway) the Pittsburgh Steelers 20-13 last Sunday.  Jet Enjoy This Success, JETS JETS JETS fans.  NYJ avoided being a nine game loser.

Instead of yearning for the bad old days of the Browning Nagle era, the JETS JETS JETS avoided further comparison to the worst teams of recent years by scoring the first 17 points; with more turnovers (four) than they had in their previous nine games combined; and limiting a Pittsburgh offense that had scored 94 points in its last two games, both victories, to no touchdowns for more than 58 minutes, until Martavis "So of Bear" Bryant’s 80-yard reception with 1 minute 16 seconds left.

For one week anyway the JETS JETS JETS don't suck.
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Former JETS JETS JETS QB Mark "Dirty" Sanchez threw two TD passes to the rookie Jordan Matthews, Darren Sproles scored two touchdowns, and Philadelphia’s defense stifled Cam "Ringer" Newton as the Philadelphia Eagles beat the snot out of the Carolina Puddy Cats, 45-21, on Monday night.

Sproles scored both of his touchdowns in the first quarter, on an 8-yard rush and a 65-yard punt return.

Mark-Dirty, who had a 13-yard scoring toss to Matthews in the second quarter and an 18-yarder in the third, completed 20 of 37 passes for 332 yards, with no interceptions.

Mark-Dirty, formerly of the JETS JETS JETS, made his first start since Dec. 30, 2012, replacing Nick Foles, who broke his collarbone in Philadelphia’s win at Houston last week.

The Eagles (7-2) remained atop the N.F.C. East. The Panthers (3-6-1) lost their fourth straight.   Panthers suck.


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Da Jints were run over by  truck.   Seattle 38, Da Jints 17.    Fire Tom Coughlin.   Bob Stoops will be available soon.

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Nov. 3rd, 2014 06:41 pm Miscellaneous ANGER and RAGE

The College Football Playoff Poll began just recently.  This bit of gunk replaces the BCS Poll, which ranked teams for bowl invites.  The Playoff Poll matters for the top four teams, but is irrelevant for all the rest, who will or won't get bowl invites based on whether their fans will travel and spend money.
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Every time Peyton "Moon" Manning sees Tom Brady he chokes.

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The JETS JETS JETS, 1-8 so far for the 2014 season, and now without Michael "Pit Bull" Vick, who bumped his head on the grass in the JETS JETS JETS 24 - 10 loss the the Kansas City Chiefs.    This means Geno "Pizza Roll" Smith wll be the QB for the rst of the season.  The JETS JETS JETS may go winless for the rest of theseason if not for the fact theres pre-game coin toss, and the JETS JETJETS always have a 50-50 chance of winning that. 

Just Endure This Suffering.

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The Yale Bowl does not have locker rooms.  The players walk to the stadium from the gym.

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Four Penn State football players were cited for what officials called an egg-throwing incident at a campus building Thursday night.

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Michigan football coach Brady Hoke: Career over.  The Wolverines have finished 11-2, 8-5 and 7-6 in Hoke’s three full seasons as their coach.  Former head coach Rich Rodriguez is now at Arizona which is ranked #12 in the AP Poll. 

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Oct. 22nd, 2014 08:49 pm Da Jints Lose.

After the Da Jints Bumbled, fumbled and stumbled to start the 2014 season, it was something of a surprise when they managed a three-game winning streak.

But disaster was right around the corner.

Consecutive road games against the best teams in the NFC (L)East would be the games that would measure how far the Da Jints had moved forward from last year’s toilet bowl of a season.

At Philly last week and against the high-flying Hated Dallas Cowboys on Sunday, Da Jints discovered that their one step forward could indeed be followed by two steps backward - right into a steaming pile on the sidewalk.

Da Jints hoped to clean their soles Sunday against the Hated Cowboys. Too late. The doo-doo dried on.

In the end, Hated Dallas increased its winning streak to six games with a 31-21 victory.  Da Jints will head into their bye week with a 3-4 record. Da Jints are expected to beat "Bye."

Da Jints' next game is at home against the Baltimore Colts, which has won its last five games. Like they can win against Andrew Luck and Company. Not going to happen.

While Hated Dallas had a slight statistical edge and benefited from some star performances — over-rated quarterback Tony Romo miraculously did not throw an incompletion in the second half and RB DeMarco Murray continued on with his MVP season — the most pivotal play was very likely a fumble by Jints tight end Larry Donnell early in the fourth quarter. Idiot butterfingers stone-hands moron. Loser.

Da Jints, season over.





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